With 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce, it is very common to become a stepparent. This can be a rewarding or difficult role. Also, in blended families, step-siblings may not be accepting of one another. But, the good news is that with time and planning you can have a positive relationship with your stepchild. Stepchildren want the same thing as all children do. Stepchildren want to be accepted for who they are and be loved. Stepchildren want adults to listen to them. Although children will not admit this, they do want limits and discipline. Fortunately, there are some actions you can take to build successful relationships with your stepchildren.

Here are some helpful dos and don’ts:

1. Spend one-on-one time with your stepchildren and get to know them.
2. Do not push them too quickly to have a relationship with you, as they may have issues of trust or abandonment issues.
3. Be positive and encouraging of them. 
4. Try to find some shared interests.
5. Do not ask them to call you mom or dad immediately, let them choose what to call you.
6. Remember that in the relationship with your stepchildren you are an adult, not a friend.

Disciplining a stepchild can be a sticky situation. It is best to speak to your spouse about how this will be handled. In general, it is best if the biological parent does the disciplining and the stepparent support them. Over time, when the stepparent and stepchild have established a relationship, then the stepparent can take a more active role with discipline. Open communication is a must for a successful blended family. Stepparenting does take time requires a strong marriage, but can be very rewarding.

Here’s how biological parents can help:

• Listen to your spouse. Remember that you don’t experience your kids the same way they do. Stepparents need to be heard with empathy, not defensiveness.
• Require and maintain a standard of courteous behavior from your children toward your spouse, the stepparent. Even if they don’t display deep affections for them, they should be courteous and decent in their tone.

Sometimes professional help is needed. If you notice anger issues, favoritism or severe behavioral problems that are disrupting the family then it is time to get outside help. A good online resource is the National Stepfamily Resource Center. BJC EAP can help stepfamilies make healthy adjustments. Call 314.729.4030.